I'm a Smart One

Travelling without Moving

Having done it twice now while writing this blog, I've found that expressing my feelings over post-surrogacy journey aftermath is difficult for me to do. I devote so much time into writing about my experience as part of a cohesive unit, and then almost suddenly, too suddenly, it's over. Part of my story isn't mine to tell anymore. Ways diverge, and I find myself feeling like a lost child in the dark, groping around blindly for the hand she once held but knowing just the same that she has to find her way out alone.

I'm a thinker, a planner, a doer. I always feel the need to be busy with something, to have some goal that I'm working towards. College. Babies. Grad school (twice). Building a house. Surrogacy. These things have ebbed and flowed and overlapped one another as the years have gone on, but there was always something. In the few months here and there where there was nothing, before too long I find myself feeling unsettled and scattered. I throw myself into a new "project," and then I feel  eased by having something onto which to focus my attention. It is oddly comforting.

Now, that drive to do has evolved into something of a coping mechanism. When any one thing feels like it's going to fly off the rails, I flail to redirect some attention elsewhere, to have something else at the ready grasp a hold of should the other go down in flames. It becomes the next hand to hold in case I have to unclutch my fingers from the other. If I'm focused on something new, then I don't have as much capacity to feel negative emotions from the first failure. Sadness subverted. Anger averted. Depression diverted. There is no time to lie down with those emotions when there are other things to think, plan, and do. 

This time, it's different. I followed my natural inclination to avoid inaction, but what I've come to realize is that for once, I just need to be. My heart is heavy and I am sad. For once it feels better to sit idly with it for a while, to let it go away on its own instead of trying to shoo it away with a turn of the head and a quick flick of my empty hand.

I am no longer looking for a match. To clarify -- there is a very strong possibility that I've already found a couple to work with for the next journey. It's someone who I've known for more than a year and coincidentally, just as I was ready to hit the brakes and pull my surrogacy ad down from SMO, she emailed asking maybe...? And I said Possibly, but.... For all intents and purposes, it might be safe to say that in a few months, we will walk this path together. Waiting is necessary for both of us for different reasons. On my part, I'm just not ready. I need to be still.

It is rainy here today.

I just miss my friend. 

I am sad, and I don't want to take one hand while the sadness of letting go of another is so sharp.

I just miss my friend.

The Cookie Man Baketh

 

Happy birthday, my Frank. I'll be your pimp any day.

A role reversal in this house means that Frank goes to school and I'm the one who's at home with el Cinco, doing laundry and cooking. The idea of me cooking makes usually makes friends and family gasp with feigned, over-exaggerated incredulity: "OH. MY GAWSH. You COOKED? YOU? And you did some laundry, too? Surely this must be a sign of the Apocalypse."

I can cook, good people, but I just don't have to because Frank does it most of the time. I semi-brag often about how Frank does this, that, and the other around the house, things which traditionally fall into the hands of a woman to complete. Tradition. This is not the traditional household. 

Last week, Frank went to an informational workshop for the Regents Exam. He was given a practice essay to complete and of the given topics, he chose this one: Is the traditional role of father changing? Explain why you think it is or isn't.

There are lots of things that I like about his essay, like how he took single fathers, gay fathers, and other stay-at-home fathers like himself into consideration, but the part I love the most is the conclusion which reads:

I may not be the sole financial provider, but I am the protector of my family. I love my wife and my children. I coach the kids in soccer and t-ball and we fix their bikes together when the chains pop off. I change the oil in the van, mow the lawn, and take out the trash. I can do all of this, and still bake some cookies, too.

I am one of many new traditional fathers.

Couldn't you just hug him? Taking on more of the "traditional" roles of a woman doesn't make him feel like less of a man. In fact, he says it makes him feel like more of a man. 

Raise your hand if you love frank. *Raises hand. Both of them, and flails them wildly.*

Happy birthday, Frank. We love you (and not just because you bake us cookies the size of Kaelyn's face).

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Want to get Frank a birthday present? Check out his Etsy shop: Frank's Big Ones Bakery. 

While I'm in big pimp mode, allow me to also direct your attention to a fabulous store from another blogger:

Tarah from The Johnsons Have Angel Wings has conjured up some delightful scents in the form of "whipped body frostings" and lotions. They looked so luxuriously silky that I placed an order for three body frostings! Click the button to go order some for yourself!

Frank's Big Ones Bakery is Open for Business! - PRICE CHANGE UPDATE

Price update!!! At the suggestion of several savvy ladies, we've made an adjustment to the cookie price and shipping costs.

Cookie costs are now either $12 or $14 per dozen. They were previously $8 or $10 per dozen.

The shipping cost is now $6 flat rate for USPS Priority and an additional $2 for a second dozen.
It was previously $10 flat rate for the first dozen and $3 for an additional dozen.

Both the Before and After amount to either $18 or $20 total for a dozen of cookies, but feedback from potential customers shows that higher cookie price/lower shipping cost is more attractive.

Thanks for your patience!

Kym and Frank

Click the button to visit the site!

Frank's Big One's Bakery is open for business! There are six varieties of cookies available and also a Six of One/Half a Dozen of the other package in which you can get 6 each of two types of cookie (thanks for the suggestion, Jendeis!)

Chocolate Chip and Chocolate Chip with Walnuts or Pecans Big Ones are $8 for a dozen.
MonkeyBoy, Sugar Daddy, Cherry Bomb Big Ones, and Six of One/Half a Dozen of the Other are $10 for a dozen.

Shipping is a flat rate of $10 for a dozen. If you order two dozen within the same order, $3 is added to the cost of shipping.

Because this is Frank's first run out of the starting gate, the first round of shipping will begin NEXT THURSDAY, JULY 9. This will give us time to get a gauge for which cookies are the most popular so that we can shop accordingly for ingredients.

Leave any questions you might have in the comments!

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Now to announce the winners of the Name that Bakery and Cookie Idea contest that I held here back in April! I changed up the rules a little bit, since the original contest said that the winner would receive a dozen cookies for coming up with the bakery name and an undetermined number of winners would receive 6 cookies for cookie names/ingredient ideas that Frank chose to use. "Frank's Big Ones Bakery" was actually thought of by my teaching teammate, so she'll have an endless supply of free cookies under any circumstance. Big thanks to everyone who contributed ideas. Some of them had us laughing our butts off! Without further ado, here are the bloggy winners:

Jendeis of Sell Crazy Someplace Else wins the big prize of 18 cookies for giving us the most useful ideas!
The cookie concept of the one we call "Sugar Daddy" was mostly her idea. She also gave us the idea for a cookie that isn't offered yet - Vampire Bites. (See, Jen -- you really WERE my big winner!)

One dozen cookies goes to each of the following bloggers:

Charmed Girl of A Charmed Life? for the name "Sugar Daddy,"

coffeegrl of Okaasan Mommy for the idea of a chocolate-based cookie with cayenne (not available yet),

Niobe of Dead Baby Jokes for the name "The Devil Made Me Do It" (also not available yet), 

and Kim (who did not link a blog but I have her email address) for the tagline suggestion "where size matters."

To the winners: you can order your free cookies now or later as more varieties become available. DO NOT order via Etsy. Send me an email to SmartOneKym@gmail.com letting me know which cookies you'd like. You can order a whole dozen of one cookie or Six of One/Half a Dozen of Another (heh, I just like saying that). Jen, you can order three sets of six or a dozen plus six. 

To everyone: you most certainly don't have to, but if you want to pimp Frank (I couldn't resist) on your blog, you can. Heather of Geek by Marriage has already done so and Carrie of Letting It Out asked for a button to put in her sidebar. If you'd like to grab the button featured at the top of your page for a blog post or for your sidebar, here it is (thanks, Calliope!):

<p align="center"><a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?
user_id=7267330"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/
3630/3687522686_20df14444e_o.png"></a>

Thanks so much to those of you who've already placed orders and thanks in advance to those of you who will! Frank is blushing as much as a Black man can and is feeling very aw shucks.

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There has been a long-standing fundraiser for special members of my surrogacy community at Surrogate Mothers Online. Maria and Rick Kent have always wanted to have a sibling for their twins, who were born via gestational surrogacy. Sadly, when baby girl Hailey was just 15 months old, she was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of leukemia. Hailey is now age 3, and in her short life she has undergone many treatments, to include chemotherapy and an unsuccessful cord blood transplant from an unknown donor. Now, a cord blood transplant from the sibling that the Kents have wanted is the best chance that Hailey has at survival.

The Kents' surrogacy journey for a sibling began a year ago in May 2008. Money that they had saved for a second surrogacy journey went to pay for Hailey's mounting medical bills, so it is only through the cooperative generosity of fellow surrogates and intended parents, surrogacy attorneys and agency owners, and the Kents' community that they have been able to embark on this quest. Their surrogate, my sweet friend Jenn, has agreed to help them have a child without compensation. Former intended mother/surrogate pair-turned-business owners Jaime and Dana have represented the Kents through their agency, Surrogacy Options free of charge and have been leading the fundraising efforts. 

I have offered the members of SMO the opportunity to donate $2 of their cookie purchase to the Kent Fund. If you, members of the blogging community, would like to also donate $2 of your purchase to the Kent fundraiser, please leave a message in your PayPal Notes to Seller when you make your purchase.

Why I'm a mammal

I don't know what the hell made me think of this tonight, but here is a story from the Jaiden files:

The twins were in Kindergarten when I delivered Sam. Stephanie had induced lactation and was able to breastfeed him, so about a month prior to Sam's delivery, I arranged to pump and donate my breastmilk to my friend Lisa. After a long battle with premature ovarian failure, Lisa finally became a mom via egg donation. She was fairly certain that the hormonal dysfunction which was the cause of the infertility would also cause diminished milk production and it did. The timing of her pregnancy with Jenna and my surrogacy pregnancy with Sam worked out perfectly, because she delivered less than a week before I did.

At any rate, one day about a month into pumping I received this email from the twins' Kindergarten teacher:

Good afternoon, Mrs. SmartOne!

I just had to tell you this story about Jaiden. As you know, we are working on a unit about types of animals. Today I introduced mammals. I explained the attributes of most mammals and when I got to the part about mammals producing milk for their babies, Jaiden threw up his hand and explained to the class that you were a mammal because you use a breast pump and had "tons and tons" of milk in the freezer. I thought it was so cute!

Have a good day and I hope your recovery is going well!
     Mrs. Kindergarten Teacher Who Probably Fell Out of Her Chair Laughing Her Ass Off     During Circle Time

When Jaiden got home from school that day, he bounded into the bedroom and before I could ask him what he learned about mammals, he exclaimed, "MOM! Today was a cool day in school! I told the class all about your breasts today!" 

 
Yes, that's a freezer full of packaged, dated, and carefully organized breastmilk. By the time I stopped pumping a month later, even the top two rows were completely filled with milk and we had to buy a chest freezer to store our food. If you were to call me a cow, I'd not be insulted. Moo. Call me a fat cow, and dem's fightin' words.

Blogging, Twitter-style

Have groovy news, but I ain't tellin' yet. 

We're taking the kiddies to the pool.

Send cookie ? to SmartOneKym@gmail.com

That is all for now.

OxyMORONic Show and Tell

The following is completely uncompensated, although, Powers that Be at EA Sports and Nintendo, should you happen upon this post and feel the need to grace me with gifts, I will not be opposed.

For our anniversary, Frank gifted me with the EA Active Personal Trainer Fitness game for the Wii (which henceforth will be referred to as simply the Wii Active). Before you think that from this gesture he was saying, "I love you, but DAYUM you've gotten fat through our 13 years of marriage, so here - you might want to do something about that," let me tell you that I've been asking for the Wii Active since forever. I currently weigh half past pudgy and a quarter 'til a double chin, so he got me exactly what I wanted. He even bought a second leg and resistance band so that he could work out with me. On the issue of my weight and my personal displeasure at the lump of soggy clay that is my body, Frank is the perfect support person. Though I tend to only feel sexy from the neck up, he truly thinks I'm sexy from head to toe, even when I'm sans face paint, my hair is like whoa, and I'm schlepping around the house baggy sweats and one of his old t-shirts. "I love you just the way you are," he says. "Anything you lose or whatever muscles you tone is just icing on the cake." Then turning on the cheddar he says, "I have you, so I have my cake. And I WILL eat it, too." Ahem. Take from that what you will.

Anyway, for those of you who know nothing of the Wii Active, a male or female trainer of your choosing whips your ass into shape through a series of programmed workout sessions. You make the use of the Wii controllers and a leg band so the game system can track your movement and a resistance band is used for arm-strengthening exercises. The program's 30 Day Challenge is a start-to-finish daily regimen of 15-30 minute workouts. The daily sessions get progressively more intense as your strength and stamina increase through the days. Additionally, you can do pre-made sessions or customize a workout session of your own. Activities include running, lower body and upper body exercises, as well as a variety of sports activities such as tennis, volleyball, basketball, inline skating, and even dance (which is quite funny a la Hitch, featuring dances like "do the lasso" and "bag the groceries"). The system tracks how many calories you burn on a daily basis and over a period of time. Rest days are built in, with one rest day to every two work days. The goal is to do 20 sessions in 30 day time period.

I have to admit that even though I almost desperately wanted the Wii Active, I was a bit skeptical at how effective a mere video game would be at helping me lose weight and get in shape. "Mere" my left butt cheek. Yesterday marked Day 2 of my 30 Day Challenge and let me tell you - it broke me down to such an extent that I ended up popping a Motrin. I hobbled around on legs that felt like Jello, as yesterday focused heavily on lower body work with various lunging and track activities. I broke a sweat like you wouldn't believe and burned a little over 160 calories in 20 minutes time. Muscles that I forgot existed woke up and spoke to me for the first time in years: "Where the fuck have you been?" they bitched, and they made my legs ache for the rest of the night in revenge for me having ignored them for so long.

Along with working out, I also got back on track with the South Beach Diet on Monday. I've been adhering to it strictly. Between working out for the past three days (I did a custom workout today since it's a Challenge rest day) and restricting the carbs, I'm happy to say that I'm down 5 pounds since Monday. I know it's mostly water weight (plus the gastric disposal of the steak and baked potato I had for dinner Sunday night), but it's extremely encouraging to see the numbers on the scale heading south so soon.
I'm actually looking forward to working out again, and I'm already feeling an increase in my energy levels.

Is anyone else doin' their thing with the Active or considering it?

In other news, Frank's cookies are getting ready to go live. Sort of. About a month ago, Frank decided that since he was starting school, he didn't want to be too overwhelmed so he wanted to delay the opening until later in the Fall. My face fell, but I understood and put all my plans for his business on the backburner. But since then, at least once or twice a week one of you emails or leaves a comment wanting to know where the cookies are because isn't he done baking them yet? and I'M HUNGRY AND HORMONAL AND WANT SOME DAMNED COOKIES SO CAN YOU PLEASE HURRY UP AND PUT UP THE LINK SO I CAN BUY SOME OF THOSE BIG ASS COOKIES YOU'RE AWAYS BRAGGING ABOUT EATING, YOU SKANK, HOW CAN YOU KEEP THEM FROM US, WE CAN'T ALL BE MARRIED TO FRANK!!!

So I stuck out my bottom lip and pouted a little bit on your behalf and coerced Frank into doing a "soft opening" of his bakery. He's still working on perfecting most of his more original creations and he refuses to budge on selling those until they're to his liking, for which I can't blame him. We don't want him sending sub-par cookies to you.

Also, for now we're keeping it simple and won't be ordering all the specialty packaging bells and whistles that we priced a couple of months ago and I'm not going to dress up the Etsy shop with fancy photography of his cookies, but I can guarantee that the actual cookies themselves won't be short-changed in the least. Besides, who cares about the package that a 4-inch diameter cookie came in? It totally misses the point of having the pleasure of shoving a 4-inch cookie in your mouth. 

Additionally, we're also going to price them a bit cheaper than originally intended for now. We'll probably sell a dozen for $20-$22 with shipping included. Once he does his complete balls-to-the-walls open (and I'm thinking that probably won't be until after the new year), the overall cost between the product and shipping will go up a little. So get 'em now while the gettin' is good (and cheap).

So within the next week, you'll finally be able to purchase Frank's giant cookies in the varieties of chocolate chip, chocolate chip with either walnuts or pecans, sugar, the Aristocrat (chocolate chunks, dried cherries, & toffee), and the Monkeyboy (banana, walnut, chocolate chips).

Lori has graciously offered to write a review up on All Thumbs (after she sent one of those WHERE ARE THE DAMNED COOKIES emails and I told her I'd have Frank whip up a batch of chocolate chip cookies just for her), so be on the look out for that in the next week or so (speaking of Lori, I'll have a guest post up on Weebles Wobblog this Friday!). 

I hope to have the Etsy shop completely running and ready to take orders by Monday with the first round of shipping to start by Thursday. Once we get a feel for how much of each cookie is being ordered, we will decrease the turnaround time between the time you place an order and the time we ship it.

Just so I can start getting an early indication of orders, if plan on ordering some cookies, please leave a comment letting me know which type of cookie you're ordering and whether you'll want more than a dozen. I think we'll also be giving you the option of ordering a dozen, but with 6 of one cookie and 6 of another. Leaving a comment in no way commits you to buying, but it would groovy if you did. *cheese*

Do you want to know what we finally agreed on to be Frank's bakery name? Here's my Show part of this rather long Tell:

Clicking the banner (designed by my buddy Kimmy) will take you to Frank's Etsy shop.

When I post again letting you know that his shop is fully open and ready to take orders, I'll also announce the cookie name winners who will be receiving free cookies. We might not be offering those cookies now, but we have the intent to eventually once he finishes his recipe tweaking, so you'll get to cash in on your prizes now save it for later once more cookies are available.

The real question inherent in this post as a whole is whether or not I will avoid being a moron and undoing all the good the Wii Active is doing by having an endless supply of cookies around. Leaving myself open to such temptation just goes to show how much I love you guys.

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See what the rest of the class is showing: